Updated: Feb 23, 2019
If I've seemed a bit quite lately it's because well... I have been.
Partially because I needed to give myself a little social media cleanse, and partially because I didn't feel like I was in any sort of state to be giving faith-filled encouragement to anybody. Why? Because I have been filled-to-the-brim lately with DOUBT.
Ahh! There, I said it. I HAVE DOUBTS. And I think that's exactly where the devil wants us. I felt like I had nothing good to say to anyone regarding faith, because how can I preach believing and trusting in God when I have doubts myself?! Because, even in the midst doubts, I still know my God is good. I may not know all the answers, and there may be many more doubt-filled days in my life, but I cling tight to the God that I know is true, regardless of how I feel. I think that perhaps, thats what faith is really made of, trusting in the confusing, believing even in the darkness.
I felt like God didn't really want anything to do with me either, if I'm sitting over here doubting Him, why should He right? He should be angry with me, roll His eyes and say "Sorry kid, you had your chance." He should turn His back on me completely. Is that the God I know? Not even close.
The God I know chooses me. He loves me right where I am. He knows me, He forgives my doubting heart, He doesn't ask that I be perfect, He just ask that I seek Him continually. He ask that I love Him and that I love others. God forgives our doubts, perhaps even, allows our doubts, so that we seek Him out even more. I think that out of a testing of our faith, we can perhaps become even better ambassadors for Christ.
I have felt so tremendously defeated this last week and I have found that in the moments I let go of my doubts and just trust, the weight is immediately lifted and my joy restored. It's unexplainable and that is why I trust it. My God is good, and He is for me, and I will praise Him even in the valley. I will choose to trust in Him and to take the pressure off of myself to have all the answers, because the truth is that I never will. Believing without seeing, open the eyes of my heart Lord.
"Commit your ways to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act" - Psalm 35:7
I look at the sunset, the way the waves hit the sand, a baby's eyes, the stars late at night, the feeling of the sun and the breeze upon my face, and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my God is alive and well in me and with me always. He leaves simply reminders all around us for exactly these moments, and how thankful I am for His perfectly thought-out ways and loving kindness to my doubting heart.
Usually the time we doubt the most, the time we are in the most darkness, those are the moments before a breakthrough, the darkest night right before the sunrise. God is working even in those moments, He hasn't left me friends, and He won't leave you. Stay in faith, keep walking, keep seeking, keep praying and He will move.
God bless 🙏🏼💛